The Full Games
by hinduskakid
Summary: The Epic Struggle of Full versus Evil


**The Full Games**

"_**May the odds be ever in your flavor"**_

As I awaken on shit-brown sheets, I think about all the things I know about this world.

It is the future.

There was an apocalypse.

77.6% of the United States is considered morbidly obese.

Most of the skinny bitches live in this area called the Capitol which is surrounded by 12 outlying districts.

I live in District 12. To support our economy we have a Twinkie factory where my overweight brothers roll on the dough to make it flat and some skinny person puts it in the oven.

One time there was this civil war.

We lost. :-(

It was probably because we were out of shape.

To get back at us they made up this game where they pick two people from each district and put them in a room where they have to kill each other until only one person is left.

Usually this is accomplished by them trying to sit on each other.

My name is Fatness.

My daddy said before he died from a coronary that I would never be hungry as long as I was able to find myself.

I have a best friend, his name is Pale, it suits him because he stays inside a lot and plays Xbox 360.

Which reminds me of my task today. I must go over to Pale's house immediately so that I may assist him in his epic massacre of the evil space zombies. Unfortunately, because of my handicap, I am unable to walk. I roll out of bed. I roll out of the room. I roll into the kitchen. I eat a quick breakfast of 8 McGriddles. They are tasty. I roll out of the door leading to the garage. (In the future, most homes have only one floor because no one can climb stairs.) I roll up a ramp that leads into my van. I push a button and the ramp closes, becoming the van door. Lying down on my belly, I grab the controls of the van and steer myself to Pale's house.

Driving the van is tiring. I have to move my arms and feet and stuff. In the 4 minutes it takes to get to Pale's house, I am almost too tired to roll out. Even thinking about that time makes me tired. It adds to the tiredness I already feel because typing this means I have to move my fingers and stuff. I'm going to take a break because I'm tired. Brb.

Also, I am sorry about continuously using the word "tired" in that last paragraph, I could double click the word and click the Thesaurus button on Microsoft Word The Future but I don't want to wear myself out to much already. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, so I roll out of the van into Pale's lovely household. Pale greets me. I have arrived at his house at a good time. It is time for Elevenses. Pale makes us some eggs. It is a lot of effort to move my hands to eat them so I just stick my face in them and gobble them up. Pale says, "HAHA It looks as if you have egg on your face." Pale is not funny.

After Elevenses, we start to play Xbox, but we have to take breaks every 20 minutes because it is a lot of work to push the buttons. Pale is better at video games than he is at making jokes. He leads us to victory against the space zombies.

We are excited.

Then we are tired.

We have also worked up an appetite. "What are we going to have for lunch?" He looks at his Meal-o-matic. There are four buttons: Pizza, Fried Chicken, McDonald's and Surprise Me (which chooses Pizza, Fried Chicken, or McDonald's for you). He says "Ummmm…..PIZZA!" We lie on our backs in the designated dining area and open our mouths and the food, already nicely cut into bits for us, comes down from the ceiling and we eat it. It tastes pizzarific.

We get back to our video game bonanza and realize something terrible has happened.

The controller has run out of batteries.

We might have to go out.

**END CHAPTER 1**

**Chapter 2**

We are grief-strucken. Going out for someone of our weights is near impossible. We must prepare thoroughly for this journey.

We take a nap for 1 hour and 45 minutes.

After the nap, we wake up. "Ready to roll out, autobot?" Pale says, in an attempt to make a joke. I frown at him. We grab a bite to eat before we are on our way. There is no meal-o-matic in the car, despite it being the future. After that I roll into my van, and Pale rolls into his. There are vans that can support two people, however we cannot afford them on our meager twinkie roller's salary.

We are headed to a place known as The Wal. Before the apocalypse, it used to be a place called "Wal Mart" that people bought and sold stuff legally, but then the apocalypse happened and the "Mart" part got rubbed off and now people buy and sell stuff illegally. Luckily though, they have most everything, including the batteries we so desperately need. Unfortunately for us, batteries are sold by a skinny douchebag named Badger.

We approach Badger. He looks and us and says. "Haha you guys get fatter by the minute!" This hurts my self-esteem. For a few seconds, I resolve that I will try hard to lose weight by the next time I see Badger. However, I realize that like most people in the future, I have no willpower, so I give up the resolution quickly, almost as quickly as people in the past gave up these things they had called "New Year's Resolutions" I still hate Badger.

As we look over his selection of batteries, Badger attempts to make small talk with us. "You guys ready for the Full Games selection tomorrow?" My heart sinks as I remember. Both Pale and I are both extremely likely to be chosen. The selection for the Full Games is not fair. Skinny bitches like Badger are less likely to be chosen. See, during the year, you can sign up for this thing called tesserae. A tesserae gives you a meager supply of Slim Fast you can use to help you lose weight, however it really just isn't enough. Nonetheless, Pale and I both require tesserae just to survive. This skinny bitch doesn't.

I give Badger the finger as Pale gets out the money to pay for the batteries. He gets out a bag of coins. They are made of chocolate and covered in gold colored tinfoil. We leave the store and return quickly to our epic space zombie massacre extravaganza. Fears of tomorrow do not subside.

**(End Chapter 3- NEXT TIME…THE CHOOSING!)**


End file.
